Abuse, Trauma & Abandonment - Working on my shit

Just some words to explain a little about my journey and hopefully this can help and guide you.

I am a big believer that when horrible things happen to us, it can be a powerful tool when we use it the right way. You have to find the good within the bad or you will end up in a downward spiral that not everyone can get out of. My journey has helped me help others in so many ways and for that I am forever grateful. 

I think if you ask people about me through the years you will get a very mixed bag of reviews! However I do feel like most people would say caring, funny & loves to party. Others would probably say i'm a bitch!! The past is the past though, learn the lessons and move on. 

What hardly anyone knew was that all throughout my younger years I was deeply struggling with my own shit. I wouldn't say depression, I was not depressed, I was just finding it really difficult to navigate my way through life. I did ALOT of partying, took drugs, excessive alcohol and I put my body through hell both emotionally and physically. Searching for answers can be extremely difficult to deal with. 

When I look through old photos, they tend to bring up a lot of emotions. I had so many wonderful experiences yet I just wasn't present in many of them. Instead of looking at them in joy I was remembering how I felt and how little self worth I had. Lonely, sad, not good enough, never felt like I belonged anywhere, disconnected, angry, frustrated, etc. 

See i'm a dooer, I get shit done, always have. When I get something in my head, I make it happen. I don't believe in failure, I believe in lessons. Iv'e done some really shitty things to people in the past and iv'e had many toxic relationships & friendships - all because of my own limited self worth & love. 

Having gone through abuse, trauma, abandonment and all the shitty things, I now realise that every thing happened for a reason. It was not easy to get to this point, however so worth it. Releasing and healing has got me to a much better place. A place where I can see things differently.

We don't always have control over what other's do to us but we do have control over how we react to it. The hardest part is coming to understand that you won't always get the answers you want in life, and that's ok. Sometimes we just aren't meant to know. Everyone deals with this shitty stuff differently and I think the best piece of advice I can give is if you're going through it, don't compare yourself to anyone else. This is your journey, how you deal with it is up to you. I felt judged for many years and when I finally let go of it I had such a huge sense of peace. If you can't talk to your friends or family about it then seek it elsewhere, there are always other ways. Feel free to contact me anytime. There is ALWAYS SOMEONE. 

The more you go on the journey to self discovery and healing, the more you open yourself up to many wonderful things. Still to this day I put shit off sometimes when it comes to me but I always get a reminder to get back to it!

Be brave, be strong and dig in deep to release all the stuff that is holding you back and no longer serving your purpose moving forward. Take ownership, this is your one crack at life. 

As my healer Jacquie reminded me once;

"Resistance comes before a breakthrough"

I love being me so much more with each day. I love being a Medium and I love teaching my Raw Food Classes. I am blessed with the most amazing little girl and i'm in such a better place to navigate my way through life now. There are still those days where the wheels fall off but when that happens now, I just let it flow, rest and allow myself to feel like shit sometimes! 

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