In today’s times with the constant influx of social media images shoved in our faces, people often dream to have the life of these ‘so called’ happy people. Unfortunately, behind these ‘happy’ people are some really fucked up, unhappy people. Of course, not everyone is, but everyone is dealing with their own shit in their own way. For some people, putting on a front of looking happy and like they are living their best life is the only thing that holds them together from diving deeper into their depression. How often do you hear when someone commits suicide, ‘oh, I can’t believe that happened, he/she always seemed so happy.”
Many people often think I have my shit together, especially with the kind of work I do and advice I give out. I think it’s great that they do, because I like to think for the most part it’s true, however it certainly isn’t always as it seems! I have been one big fucking hot mess on many occasions! I used to hide it pretty well from most people though, as we do.
Depression has not been something that I have dealt with personally. Yes, I have hit rock bottom before, a few times. I think you need to, in order to really sort your shit out - this is where the power is. I have a pretty strong belief system in that things do get better when you do the hard work. I will always research and use my resources to make shit happen because I won’t settle for too long with anything less than I deserve.
It’s so easy to put the focus onto other things. Drink, drugs, food, pills, partying, keeping yourself busy – anything you can do to avoid working on yourself. I did it for years and I still do it at times. I just don’t beat myself up about it so much anymore. I trust in the process and the wheels falling off at times is part of that.
Let me tell you, when you have your shit days where it feels like the world is falling down around you. I hear ya! I still have those days at times. Some days I cry, I’m shitty, I’m angry, I’m hurt, I’m frustrated, I’m like fuck this world, what the fuck! But in these days now when they happen, I also have a laugh and tell myself to chill out! Because yesterday is the past, today is the present and tomorrow is a new day. You have a chance to have another crack at it all. When you feel shit, sit in the feeling. Start analyzing - put pen to paper. Embrace it and allow yourself to go through the motions. Really break it all down so you can get to the root of the problem so you can start healing from it. Be kinder to yourself with your thoughts and your actions.
No matter how hard I tried to get the love and connection I needed, I never got it how I wanted it because I had a lot of work to do on myself before that could ever happen. It’s a domino effect – if we keep putting off working on ourselves then we will keep attracting the things that are not making us happy. If we do the hard work and dive in deep then we open up all the gateways to receive what it is we really want.
You have to clear the energetic blocks that are preventing you from all the good stuff you want in your life. This is what first turned me to seeing healers to work on my ‘shit’. I always knew there was so much more to life, so many more resources that I needed to tap into on a different level. You have to go all in – make lists of everyone who has ever hurt you, who you have hurt, all the things that have held you back, pissed you off, made you cry – then release them all with love and gratitude. Sounds really stupid to some people, however writing out these lists can have a profound affect on you! They will talk to you and make you understand and realise stuff about yourself that can blow your mind. What these lists tell you the most, is about you! Release the guilt, the shame, the regrets, get it all out. The longer you hold this stuff down the more damage you are doing to yourself. Get rid of it, shit happens. We all do things we wish we would take back. It’s just never going to happen though. Learn, heal & grow. The deeper you go the more you will come to figure out that the person who needs the most love is actually you.
So often we want the best for other people, our family, our friends. We show love and support and would do almost anything for some people, yet we don’t do it for ourselves. It is such a bad habit to get into it and one that must be broken. No one should ever come before you, not your kids, your partner, no one. You need to stay at the top of your list -take your power back and own it.
I’m so grateful for where my journey has taken me. The good, the bad and the ugly because without those – along with the intense healing and soul searching, life would be so much different. It’s ok to not be ok. It’s not ok to accept that it is what it is. Be braver, be stronger and don’t settle. Want more, do more, be more. When things change inside you, things change around you. xoxo